Hetalia Fairytales
by Shurah
Summary: My messed up version of our well loved fairytales. You've been warned. Rated T for naughtiness and Grandmano's mouth.
1. Hansel and Gretel

**Hetalia fairytales**

**Chapter 1**

**Hansel and Gretel**

**Characters: **Norway, Iceland, Denmark, Scandinavia

**Disclaimer:** Hetalia and its characters are not mine.

* * *

There was once a man living in the forest and his name is Scandinavia, Scandi for short he had two sons Lukas the elder and Emil the younger; everyday Scandi would wake up with Lukas trying to coax Emil to call him big brother and the later would adamantly refuse.

"Big brother"

"No"

"Big brother"

"Stop it!"

"Big brother"

"I'm not saying it!"

"Big brother"

"I won't say it!"

"You know you want to"

"I said NO, how many times do I have to tell you I. won't. say. It!"

"Lukas, are you trying to persuade Emil again?" asked Scandi when he appeared by the doorway of their kitchen slash dining area.

"You tell him father" said Emil crossing his arms and pouting.

"Goodness this happens everyday!" exclaimed Scandi as he motioned for his sons to join him for breakfast. After eating and the dishes are washed he bid goodbye to his sons to get to work.

Although Scandi was happy with his sons but sometimes he gets lonely so he took a second wife, seeing his family complete he is now contented. But the wife dislike the children and plans to send them away for good so she told Scandi to get rid of the children her reason is with lack of proper food due to extra mouths to feed. Scandi wasn't given a choice, unknowing to them Emil heard their conversation and told his brother the following morning he took his sons early deep within the woods and left them there with a heavy heart.

The children did not harbor ill feelings for their father for they know that they will be able to return home as Emil secretly lay a track for them to follow. They continue to trek the forest until they reach a gingerbread house, its gates and fences were made of licorice, the doorknocker made of crystal like candy, the roof cake with icing in which all goodies suspiciously smell like beer.

They were so hungry that they eat what ever they get their hands to, unknowingly a pair eyes watches them with a sinister smirk on his face.

"Ah so I have visitors" said a voice from behind they turn around and saw a tall, blue eyed, spiky haired male. Lukas and Emil back away slowly.

"Don't worry I won't hurt cha' yet" he murmured the last word. "do come in I made snacks in which I know you'll enjoy" he ushered them inside only for Lukas to be shoved into a cell with a fatten child and orders Emil to prepare the oven or something bad will happen to his brother with no choice he obeyed. Lukas threatening Mathias to do terrible things to him in which the man only laugh.

~_later_~

"The oven is ready" said Emil his shirt littered with soot.

He grins "excellent" and grabs the child, locks the prison and motions for Emil to follow, seconds later a scream was heard and Lukas went berserk.

"Calm down Lukas, think, think" he tries to calm himself and partially succeeded. Then snaps his finger remembering the magic training he received from his mother and chants a spell voila he's outside the house with no Mathias and Emil in sight.

~_To where Mathias and Emil_~

To his horror, Emil watched as Mathias shoved the boy into the oven and a moment later a ginger bread version of the boy came out, rearrange to let stand with the other gingerbreads.

Mathias turns to Emil with a smirk and advances "Hehe… this is going to be fun!" said Mathias while flexing his fingers in a groping motion while showing a rape face.

"No, stay away or… or… I'll"

"Or what?" asked Mathias.

"BIG BROTHER!" screamed Emil.

~With Lukas~

"My big brother senses are tingling" he muttered and ran to the sound of the scream only to witness the Dane getting closer to his beloved Emil and ran to save him, pulling whatever his hands got into which so happens to be the Dane's necktie.

"Hands. Off. My. Little. Brother!" said Lukas pulling the necktie with each word and let go seeing the wicked Dane unmoving.

"Let's go little brother" said Lukas as he drags Emil away with the later dragging a sack of treasures. They returned to their father and live in prosperity, thanks to the treasures. They asked the whereabouts of their stepmother, they found that they divorced and she was evicted from the house.

For every story of course…

And they lived happily ever after.

Oh and as for the Wicked Dane he regained his consciousness and because of what happened to him, he learned his lesson not to mess with a person with a severe case of brother complex, that is, if you want to be strangled, then go ahead.


	2. Sleeping Beauty

**Hetalia fairytales**

**Chapter 2**

**Sleeping Beauty**

**Characters:** America, Philippines (OC), Spain, Belgium, England, Norway, Romania, Monaco and Russia

* * *

Once upon a time in a far away land there lived King Antonio and his wife Queen Bella; they have been happily married for several years and all that is left is a child so they prayed so hard and of course do '_it_' so many times and their wish was granted. They were blessed with a baby girl and they named her Maria.

The whole kingdom was ecstatic with the news and every kingdom was invited to the feast and each brought a present for the baby princess. Suddenly three wizards appear and surround the crib where the baby lay.

"To you Princess Maria I bestow the gift of beauty, intelligence and charm" said Lukas as he waves his wand.

"To you Princess Maria I impart the gift of song oh and spunk" said Vladimir as he too waves his wand.

"To you Princess Maria I bequeath the gift of—" he never gets to finish as a gust of wind blew from the open windows and gather in the center of the room and there stood the wicked wizard Ivan.

"Oh I'm hurt, why wasn't I invited, da?" he pouted "no matter, since I'm here, I too have a gift for the little princess" he said as he hovered above the crib and wave his wand "To you princess I confer a curse" some one raised an idiot board with 'gasp' written on it (_a/n: hehe… shrek reference_) and there was a collective gasp amongst the crowd.

"On her sixteenth birthday she will accidentally eat Arthur's scones and die" then followed by a parade of thunder and lightning. Thus Ivan disappeared in gust of smoke, everyone fell silent.

"Oh what do we do Antonio?" cried Queen Bella as she cradles her infant daughter as if the small act can protect her from the curse.

"Do not fret mi amor" said King Antonio as he glances at Arthur's way

"Your majesties I do not posses the ability to remove the curse but…" he immediately intercept foreseeing King Antonio opens his mouth to protest "…but remember I still have a gift to give" so he went to the princess and raised his wand and say "To you sweet Princess on your sixteenth birthday you will indeed eat my scones in which I will make sure not to" he abruptly adds with the glares he was given "but you will not die, you will only sleep until a hero who loves you at first sight gives his kiss, will the spell shall break."

After that Arthur was banned from the kitchen… jesting! That is, if he promises not to make a scone.

~_years later_~

"Princess! Princess Maria, where are you?" calls Monique her lady-in-waiting "it is time for the ball your highness"

The door to the library opens and out step the princess "Monique, you called?" she asked.

"There you are, her majesty the Queen asked of you to get ready for the ball, and it is after all your sixteenth birthday"

"Oh I forgot, I was reviewing for the test my teachers in magic will give me" she said as she delicately face palmed.

"You must hurry"

"Oh alright, wait! Could please go ahead of me and prepare my clothes and bath I will be with you shortly, I forgot something in the library." Commands Maria as her attendant scurries away. Seconds later Maria emerge from the library and is about to get ready for the ball when her stomach growls.

"Ah yes I forgot to eat breakfast, might as well eat a little before I pass out." When she reached the kitchen the chefs and maids are gone and all that is left is a plate of scones on the table, she took one and bite unto it and her world became black.

"Dammit Arthur we're too late, I told you not to leave those abomination loitering around, look at what happened" chastised Lukas while helping Vladimir place the Princess on her bed.

"What's done is done, no use in crying over spilt milk" reminds Vladimir

"Let's just put every one to sleep" Arthur sighs and off they went casting spells to induce sleep.

The castle towers, courtyard, stables and every part of it were covered with thick vegetation, no one seems to know why or what had caused this phenomenon even the town was put to sleep awaiting for the hero to come.

~_years later again_~

A young Prince with blonde hair, blue eyes rides his horse in search for the sleeping princess the fellows from his kingdom talks about. At last his journey had ended in a castle with thick— ah yeah you get the description no need to get redundant.

Prince Alfred of America had searched the whole country. He endures blistering winds and scorching deserts. (_a/n: shrek reference again_) for the rumored princess.

And now as he enters the grounds a thick black smoke appeared blocking his way, readying his sword, when the smoke cleared standing before him was Ivan.

"Privet" greets Ivan.

"Commie" shouts Alfred and points his sword threateningly.

"You bloody wanker he's not a commie, he's a wizard, a dark one." Said Arthur as he descends from air to face Ivan.

"Nice to see you again Iggy, eyebrows are still thick" replies Alfred

"Bloody git, don't call me that!" mutters Arthur as he was joined by Lukas and Vladimir.

"Go! We'll take care of this" Lukas said as he too readies to fire a spell.

"The princess is in her room the one with the red door with a sign 'do not enter I bite'" describes Vladimir.

"O… kay" answered Alfred as he run past Ivan to find his princess, ascending the stairs; he can still hear the shouts and the exchange of spells.

He found the said room "They are right, it has that sign" he sweatdrops reading the sign. Entering he went straight to where the princess lay; he gazes at her and his heart beats fast butterflies appear in his stomach, blush adorned his face and when he kissed her oh god… the fireworks.

The princess opens her eyes for the first time in years to meet the sky blue of the prince who broke the spell, there was silence and then…

_BOOGSH!_

"Ow… fuck, shit that hurt!" yells Prince Alfred as he clutch his nose.

"That wouldn't happen if you did not so rudely wake me up, you pervert!" Princess Maria counters as she readies her fist for another round of punching

"But I had to break the spell" Alfred reasons.

"The hell with the spell, I just slept"

"For so long?"

"Long? It's just—" she checked the calendar and clock "Oh dear I did sleep long." Her eyes widen then from shock to angry "Where is that fucking wizard who cast this fucking spell?"

"Uh… outside, I thought you might want a uh… revenge" answered Alfred as he helps Maria out of the bed he abruptly turns around with a heavy blush when Maria slipped off her night gown to change.

"Damn right I want revenge!" seeing Alfred's heavy blush she asked "What? Never seen a semi-decent gal before, what can I do? Can't hide these puppies" motioning to her big breasts.

"Uh… just hurry up" and so the Prince and Princess went out or the Prince tried to keep up with the speed of the incensed Princess.

When they get there the magic trio lay on the ground clutching their injured part.

"Uncles!" shouts Maria when she saw them then turns to Ivan. "You'll pay for this"

"What can a puny princess like you do, Huh?" said Ivan as he cruelly laughs at their misfortune. "Face it princess, you and your ragtag crew cannot defeat me, I'm awesome!"

"Uh, isn't that Gilbert?" asks Alfred.

"Oh yeah, well then I'm like fabulous!" shouted Ivan flipping his hair.

"That's Feliks" state Alfred as the rest sweatdrops with Ivan's hair flipping.

"Ve!"

"That's Feliciano"

"Chigi!"

"That's Romano"

"Aru!"

"That's Yao"

"Ana~"

"That's Thai"

"I'm the King of Northern Kingdom!"

"Tsk… do not remind me of that stupid Dane" threatens Lukas getting ready to grasp Ivan's scarf to strangle him.

"Honhonhonhon"

"Ew! That's the French frog" this time it's Arthur that reacts. Then suddenly somebody shouts.

"Natalya I choose you!" shouted Maria raising her right arm and points to her right. Out comes a girl wearing a blue and white dress with a white ribbon on her head welding a set of knives.

"There you are big brother, now… Marry me, Marry me, Marry me, Marry me, Marry me…" said Natalya.

"Go away, Go away, Go away, Go away…" shouts the frightened Ivan as he runs away with Natalya close behind.

"Take that from the hero's sidekick!" shouts Alfred waving his fist.

"So… I'm just a sidekick now?"

"Well you're too strong to be a damsel in distress and you did all the work" he sighs "I didn't get the chance to be the hero"

"You did become the hero when you woke me from the spell."

"Yeah but the punch still hurts" he said while rubbing his nose.

"So sorry"

"So uh… Hey I just met you and this is crazy but I ah… really fell for you, I mean who wouldn't you're beautiful, hot, sexy with those big uh… and then I ah…" he didn't get to finish when Maria pulls him close by his collar and said.

"Oh shut up and kiss me already" and he happily obliges.

And they live happily ever after.


	3. Little Red Riding Hood

**Hetalia fairytales**

**Chapter 3**

**Little Red Riding Hood**

**Characters: **Spain, Belgium, Netherlands, S. Italy

* * *

There was once a red hood wearing girl skipping alone in the forest and her name is Little Red Ridding Hood. Little Red Ridding Hood was asked by her mother to visit her sick grandmother now, Little Red Ridding Hood brought along with her a basket full of bread, cakes, jam, pasta and a lot of tomatoes her grandmother's favorite fruit (_a/n: yes it's a fruit I checked_). Little Red Ridding Hood nee—

"Stop!" shout Little Red Ridding Hood

"What?" answered the narrator.

"I do have a name and it's not Little Red Ridding Hood that's just a nick name"

"Really?" again the narrator answered.

"Yes and just call me Bella since that nickname is too long so you won't have to be tongue tied" she said while doing a cutesy pose.

"Ooo… kay" the narrator agrees. As Bella continued to skip along as if she has all the time in the world.

"Wait!" shouted the narrator

"Yes?"

"Shouldn't you be hurrying? You know there's a wolf here, right?"

"Oh I know but there's no need to"

"Why?"

She giggles and said "you'll see" when she reached the house she knocked on the door.

"Grandma I'm here"

"Oh shit! Uh… just a second bambina" said the grandma. Hearing an okay she entered to see her grandma on the bed reading a book.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine no need to worry"

"I've brought bread, cake, jam, pasta and your favorite, tada!" as she showed the tomatoes.

"Oh good I'm hungry after what happened a while ago"

She stopped arranging the supplies on the shelf "what happened?" she asked worry lacing her voice.

"Meh… just a silly flee infested mutt thinking he can eat me" growls the grandma as he recalled the incident "that bastard had the nerve to interfere with my siesta but no! No one can touch grandmano!"

Suddenly the door slammed open to reveal a woodcutter "did someone need help?" he asked only to be pelted with a tomato.

"You're late tomato bastard!" yells grandmano.

"Hehe lo siento" said Antonio, noticing the lack of broken things that usually accompanied a squabble he asked "where's the wolf?"

"Oh the mutt?" said grandmano after he swallowed his tomato "outside in the sun, I've decided that I need a new pelt for the fur coat I'm planning to make"

Antonio shrugs and joined them in their merienda.

Outside under the heavy sun a gray wolf was tied from head to toe.

"Never mess with an old lady with a gun" said the wolf only to gain a bump and pain on the head.

"Who are you calling old? Ya flee bitten mutt, d'ya wanna mess with grandmano again?" and he slammed the door.

And they lived happily ever after

Well..

Except the mutt ah… I mean wolf.


End file.
